Guilt
by gravitygirlxo
Summary: what happend after Declan left? did he really just dissapear from the face of the Degrassi world? this is my version of his comeback, and it is OH-so steamy. Savv/Anya, and someone for Fiona added.
1. Chapter 1

Guilt. Guilt was the feeling in the deep knot that was her stomach. Even though she was happy with Savv, she still felt it was a rebound. Wouldn't it be considered cheating? She kept thinking to herself. After all her and Declan were on a "break". But what where the rules here? Could she date? Could she start a relationship? Holly j liked the feeling of being with Savv. It felt like a wild roller coaster ride. Like there was a shark in the water, but she didn't wanna get out. It was a Risk. A risk she was willing to take after many years of a non-risky, well structured life. But something was up. She still felt for Declan. (No duh). He was her first, for basically everything. She missed him and no matter how hard she tried to be independent little miss holly j, the guilt of dating again came back. So painful. She started throwing up every morning...


	2. Chapter 2

October 25. Senior year

He tried to buy my love.  
"Didn't someone always say the great things in life are free? Love would count Fiona, I'm sure of it". Said Holly J having her regular dispute with Fiona on their way to class. They had gone over this fight for a month now. Dissected it and tried every solution to such problems. She hadn't talked to Declan Since late August. Progress in forgetting, yet it saddened her.  
"Well, whatever. You go on with your beliefs. Just talk to him? Pleaseeeee?" Fiona asked  
" I will, next week. "  
Savv was making his way towards Holly J which turned her normal school time face into a bubbly, rosy blushed smile. Fiona rolled her eyes and got to class

"Hey beautiful, bands meeting this afternoon, so I might have to re-schedule that student council thing. Were still on for Saturday right?"

Holly J blushed red as he got her under his arms.  
"Yes, but, I don't have time this week for that meeting, SAT's (which I didn't know they take in Canada). And Fiona and I are having a girl's night, much needed now late October. ". She informed him  
" About that, are we doing a Halloween dance this year... I kinda forgot that still happened..." Savv said with a "Soory-I-forgot-I'm-new-to-this" look  
Holly J gave him the serious look  
" Whatever, we can let it slide. But, that takes away Brownie points mister; you have to let me eat lunch with my friends today. "She stated  
"Fine"  
She laughed at him a bit. Then they parted to their separate classes

During Math, Holly J got that weird knotted felling in her stomach again like something was up. Something wasn't right.  
" , may I go to the bathroom?"  
The teacher waved her off

Now in the Empty bathroom, she checked herself in the mirror to realize in horror her dark teal pants were covered in blood. Thank god I Actually wore pants. Straight ahead to the nurse it was to get a pad.

Once there she used the bathroom and the nurse started to take her temperature as it was enforced to do to everyone whom came in.  
"I don't get it, I just had my period last week for like, a day and now it's early? And these cramps are not usual, I never get any"  
The nurse looked at her strange  
" Well, since when have your periods become so... weird? "  
" In August a missed it, but I didn't worry cause it came around the first week of September. Then last week, it was very light and I think just, two days or so and I keep having thee weird cramps. You don't think it's something to worry about do you?"  
The nurse shrugged.  
" I think you should check it out. A woman's period is nothing to mess with and if it were me, I'd be worried this is internal bleeding honey"  
Holly J's eyes widened. Internal bleeding? From where? Did something in me pop?  
"Your temperature seems fine. You should just go check that out dear"  
Holly J grabbed her stuff from the seat and left.  
"Thanks, I really will"  
Internal bleeding. What did that even mean? Isn't that deathly in any way? Whatever, Holly couldn't have any more problems running by her. This was one she could solve now. So after lunch, she left to. The hospital nearby were her moms friend always attended her mom and herself.

"Well, looks here you're a little anemic. Have you been eating much?" Said Rose, Holly J's doctor.  
All the testing had been done and an hour later, the results finally came along

" Ha ha Rose. More than I should" Holly J replied sitting on the bed (thingy, whatever you wanna call that bench)  
" So, I couldn't quite find out why your bleeding but, it's nothing internal that 'popped' or what not"  
Holly J let out a sigh of relief  
" You are slightly anemic which came from your blood test, nothing to worry about if you're really eating. And um, one more thing..."  
Holly J was glad nothing was really, totally wrong with her. Her little problem was now gone forever and she had to eat more. What a strange thing.  
"Your almost two months pregnant"  
" What?" Holly J exclaimed in disbelief  
" Yep. You're knocked up HJ". Rose said a little giggly at her joke  
" This isn't a laughing matter Rose! Since when? "  
" I told you, almost two months. You conceived later in August. What have you been up to missy? I put you on the pill months ago! Did you take it?"  
Holly J shook her head yes even if it was down  
" Of course I did! How come I'm not showing? I was bleeding, did I have a miscarriage?" She piped up  
" No Holly, your still with child. Some women don't start showing till the baby starts to develop its body. And, the pill. I told you it was 99% effective "  
Holly J wasn't about to cry, she was red with anger. At the pill, at her doctor's laughter, at herself...  
" Is it too late for an abortion?" She asked now a little more quite

Rose shook her head no "your timing is just right. Here, I'll give you the number to an OBGYN. But Holly, you HAVEE to promise you won't tell your mom I gave you all this info. Like the thing with the pill. Please? "

"I won't Rose, no worries. " She replied now calming down and getting her stuff to go  
" Oh and Holly J, you will tell your mom before you have an abortion, right?"  
Holly J shook her head yes crossing her fingers in the back.  
Rose smiled and gave her a prescription for prenatal care. And with that, Holly J was gone

Declan. The name as still in the back of her head but now it moved. This baby wasn't Savv's. She never got intimate with him yet. The last time was last summer. Wow, they had been so caught up in the moment they forgot protection. Now she understood how the pill was 99% effective. How could she have been o stupid?

"So how far along are you?" Asked Fiona now on Skype with Holly J  
Holly J took another Olive from the jar and ate it whole.  
"About two months. It sucks. I'm just gonna get an abortion and be done with it. Timings just perfect right now and I planned an appointment with the OBGYN"

" Wow. That's a little, blunt. Aren't you planning to tell Savv before you do this?"

Holly J let an Olive fall from her mouth back in the jar and she set it down on her bedside table  
"I'll tell savv on Saturday. Were going out somewhere. I for-wait. Your thinking this is… Savv's baby?" She asked  
Fiona's face lit up like a Christmas light

" Fiona.."  
" So you mean this is my niece or nephew! Omg, you're kidding. You need to talk to Declan. Holly J! He needs to- he wants to know how you are! O my goodness. Your joking here aren't you?" Fiona replied happily. She looked like she was about to start jumping up and down.

"I wish I were. It's not a laughing matter Fiona. I don't think I'm telling Declan... I told you. I'm going to get an abortion and be done with it. Not even my mom's gonna know. I'm lucky enough not to be showing. Like. At all. It's a little weird"

Fiona laughed a little bit more " no it's not Holly J, haven't you ever seen 'I didn't know I was pregnant'? Chicks go on FULL TERM not even knowing it because they don't show. At all. They had what they thought was they're 'periods' too. Like you said. Omg, you should so be on that show!"

Holly J arched her eyebrows and gave her a look.  
"Or not. Whatever. Let me come with you to the appointment tomorrow. I at least would like to know how my future dead nice/nephew is doing for the first 2 months of his/her life. " She said seriously now  
" Fiona..." Holly J worried

" No, it's okay. It's your body anyway. I have no control over a controlling woman like you. I'll come with you tomorrow kay? "

Holly J lit up a bit and smiled  
" You're always welcomed to "

Hoping for the best but expecting the worst... 


	3. Chapter 3

Friday

"So why do you have to eat olives all the time?" Fiona asked eyeballing the huge jar Holly J now carried in her bag. She and Holly J took seats in the waiting area of the OBGYN's office  
" It's one of those, pregnancy, side effects, symptoms, whatever..." She replied filing out her papers.  
It was still hard to believe. And it was all happening so fast. One day you find out, and the next, the life inside you is dead. She was 102% sure about doing this. Holly J planned to succeed in life, not stay in the rut of Toronto forever working some dead end job for the rest of her life just to feed her kid. It sort a reminded her of Mia and how she got out. If it wasn't for her fame, that would have been her story. _You forgot about Declan_

"Holly Sinclair? The doctor will see you now"  
Said some nurse peering her head out the hall door.  
They started making their way there looking in every room along the way. A black woman with a baby and a toddler, crying on the chair. A young girl, pregnant, was arguing with her mother. A young couple, crying on each other's arms saying "we will get through this". It was horror really. _They probably had an abortion... _

"So. First ultra sound?" Asked Dr. Ng

the about 42 year old Asian man was looking at Holly J's papers as she lay on the bed with Fiona sitting by her side.  
The doctors ran a bunch of tests on her and gave her a normal check up to see if even she was working properly. _It will be over soon_ Holly J kept telling herself to get through it. She was still OH- so mad at everything.  
"Yea. She went to her doctor yesterday and found out ". Fiona replied for her

_Fi. She's being so supportive in place of her brother. I wonder how she's really taking this..._ Holy J thought.  
"And how far along are you?".

"Just about two months she said. I thought I had a miscarriage considering I've been bleeding. A little". Holly J informed him

the doctor nodded his head while reading his papers.  
"Your bleeding was nothing serious at all. It's in fact become more common lately. You were just spotting. Nothing to worry about unless it continues or it gets to a point where it's heavy bleeding. ".  
Fiona looked at Holly J with I-TOLD-YOU-SO! Written all over her face.

_Isn't spotting a ballet. Term?_ (it is)

" Any way, let's get on with the ultra sound".

Holly J lay back on the bed and exposed her non existing baby bump. Which she still thought was the dumbest thing Mother Nature ever thought about doing, yet it had its upside.

The doctor began spreading the cold, jelly like stuff on her stomach and pressed the buttons to get the machine working. Fiona moved up to see the screen. She was delighted. A pregnancy was supposed to be a happy thing and since Holly J wasn't showing it, Fiona took the opportunity of being happy for a while.  
" Looks like I found a heartbeat. You have a pretty healthy baby as of right now..." Doctor Ng said.  
Fiona smiled staring at the little point blank on the screen.  
Holly J took the perfect chance right there and sat up ". Um, Is it too late for an abortion?"  
Fiona looked at the ground. The doctor had a sort of worried face as he kept looking for something on the screen.  
"Well, your timing is perfect right now but, there might be a little concern with the fact that you're having twins. Congratulations"

**now 5 days wasnt so bad? lol, I sorta got caugth up in writting it and, lets just say, this and the next 2 chapters were soppoused to be one. I wanna make this story longer soo, short chapters or forget it :p**

**xxoo D**


	4. Chapter 4

Holly J's face went paler then it already is. All color, flushed.  
"NO. Way. "Fiona exclaimed, still happy about it.  
Holly J gave her a look with her mouth wide open.  
"What! I can't help but be happy right now! I told you there are more chances of twins. Hello?"

"Well, I don't see why you would want to abort? Aren't lesbian couples usually happy about this?" The doctor asked

Holly J shaked her head around. _This can't be happening…_

"Excuse me? Last time I checked, doctors are supposed to ask, not speculate anything about their patients. She had sex with my brother dumbass. My twin. ". Fiona yelled at Doctor Ng. Seriously now.  
Doctor Ng was a little taken back at a teenager yelling at him but he let it fly.

"Look, I just really want to know what I can do. Why wouldn't you recommend abortion?" Holly J asked

"The thing with twins and abortion is. Well, let's admit it, it is painful times two and while the corpse is perfect for research, it may damage your uterus and your chances on getting pregnant again. Also including the whole emotional dilemma with that. ". Doctor Ng explained

_Corpse...?_

Fiona was sitting back down texting people on her phone yet listening to everything. Holly J gave her a desperate look.  
"Do what you want, I told you. It's your children. I'm going back in the car". She said without looking up from her cell.

Holly J sighed and thought about it for a moment_. I still haven't told my mom and I'm not planning on it. Declan's better off never knowing about this... She thought about teen moms for a bit. She never really thought about keeping it especially now knowing its twins. I'd rather just go ahead and... Abort. It really doesn't matter anyway. _

"I'm going for it. If that's the worst that can happen, so be it. "

The doctor nodded at her decision and took a look at the ultra sound screen for a second.

" Well, miss Holly. I understand your choices concerning this situation and I can direct you to someone who'll. Take care of that. Tell Rose I said thank you And good luck Holly "Dr. Ng smiled at her

Holly J gathered her stuff and headed towards the car. It was still early in the morning. 10:30 to be exact. Friday, she had skipped school another day. Ugh.

"So, what's the place we have to go now? I'm pretty sure you can't eat before you kill right?".

"Fiona, don't give me a hard time for this. The doctor said she opens at 11. So, we'll have time just as we get there, it's out of Toronto. Now do **you** want to eat?" Holly J asked as she got in the passenger seat of her car.

Fiona had been driving this whole time because she was concerned about Holly J. Which made no sense to Holly J; she didn't have a gigantic bump.  
On the long drive there, Holly J still talked about her pregnancy like it wasn't even hers, like the twins didn't belong to her. She was disgusted and mad and didn't want to think of them as hers. She called it her situation instead and "the twins" not by specific names or anything. They didn't deserve such a bitchy mother. But that's just what they're going to get.

The girls got out of the car and stepped out into the parking lot of an average looking house located an hour away from Toronto.  
"Are you sure this is the place?" Holly J asked Fiona.

"That's what he wrote on the paper HJ, don't ask me. I just drive". Fiona answer slamming the door a little annoyed at Holly J.

The house was blue, located in a small, suburban neighborhood. That was strange? Was abortion even legal around here? (I really don't know, I'm following this from stuff I've read about abortion places)  
Fiona checked the front door which had the right number, house 41 but no sign of a doctor.

"Look over here ". Holly J said from a distance.

The whole place felt all weird to Fiona. She walked over to see what Holly J was fussing about and walked along to find a back door that read. "For doctor, knock loudly". Holly J was knocking as hard as she could till her knuckles turned red. All the sudden, a middle aged woman peered her head through the door.

"Please come in. "She said in a gentle voice.

Fiona and Holly J stepped in the house like it was nothing weird. There was a waiting area, just like at a normal doctor's office. But the hall down to the doctor was more like a house's hallways. With rooms.

"May I ask who has sent your here today miss?" The lady with the soft voice asked directed to Fiona.

"My friend here and I were directed here from Dr. Ng in Toronto. She needs and abortion and, well its twins". Fiona told her in a quite gentle voice too.  
This is getting a little too. _Contagious._

"Oh right, he talked to us about you honey. You'll be all right. Just take a seat in this waiting area. Doctor Neil will be right with you"

The girls sat around a big, fake wood table in the waiting area. Holly J examined the place which was obviously a house. The table she was sitting at had a stack of nickelodeon magazines for kids and some _Time_. _Not too shabby for an illegal place. How could I be doing this? It's illegal ". _The word ran through her mind like a racecar_. I will get through this _she thought again.

Suddenly, they heard a scream come from down the hall. Not a scary one but one of excruciating pain. Holly J and Fiona stared at each other in disbelief. Fiona shrugged it off in an "I told you. You shouldn't do this" sort of way she had all day and picked up a magazine.  
The screams got a little bit louder for the second and third time they heard it. But then, complete silence. This is creepy... Holly J was suddenly scared when she heard footsteps come down the hall.

" Ms. Sinclair. Come right this way with me". Said Dr. Neil A tall, thirty year old looking, black man. Very handsome for his age. _Why would he work as this?._

As Holly J and Fiona walked down the hall, Dr. Neil closed each door before they passed them like he was trying to hide a secret of some sort. They got to the last room on the left and he gave Holly J some weird looking dirty night gown  
"I'll be right with you " and he left.  
Holly J went into the room's bathroom to change into the bloody, dirty nightgown the doctor had given her. Fiona stayed in the main room. It was pretty small. Just one bed, a desk and a couple of chairs. No windows. The room was also covered with posters informing stuff about abortions. And pictures. Pictures that made Fiona feel sick.  
".I'm good. How do I look?" Said Holly J coming out of the bathroom.  
Fiona looked at her top to bottom in disgust.

"Just so you know, when the screaming starts, I'm out".  
Holly J ignored her and sat on the bed.  
" You nervous?".  
Holly J sighed." Heck yea I am" she felt like saying. But she had to be strong. She was THE Holly J after all. I will get through this. She though again.

"Do you know how he's gonna do it? Like, is it the weird suction thingy or, is he, like, pulling it?" Fiona asked.

"I don't know Fiona. I've never done this before!" Holly J exclaimed.  
Suddenly the doctor came in with a plastic water cup and some pills

Holly J cringed and hugged her stomach tight

"Just drink these and in about, 10, 20 minutes, you'll be dilated. I'll be back "doctor Neil explained leaving again

Holly J contemplated with the pills in her hand _just take it Holly Jeannette. It will be all over soon_. But she couldn't. Thoughts raced through her mind like a wild car both good and bad. Like the devil was playing a joke with her brain. She panicked

_Its gonna hurt. You might die. Your gonna die. it's illegal. Fionas mad. Your parents. You career. Yourself. Declan will never forgive you.._.

"Are you all set?" The doctors asked coming back in

Holly J shook her head at the pills in confusion trying to change her mind.  
"I-I can't. I can't take this. This is, its, it's just too much".

She dropped the pills on the floor and set the cup down on the desk. Right back into the bathroom she went to change and left the office without another word.  
Fiona was in shock. Holly J just did that? Wow.  
As Fiona followed her back in the car she notice Holly J wasn't crying. She instead just wanted to get away from it all. To undo it.  
"What happened back there?" Fiona asked her now sitting in the driver's seat.

"I, I just panicked. Let's get out of here" Holly J replied not wanting to look at her.

"Ok then "Fiona rolled her eyes. Starting up the car  
for the rest of the ride, Holly J just stared out the window and ate olives out of her jar. She didn't wanna talk, she didn't wanna say _anything._

**read!review! Ive got BIG plans for here on :p && um, soory but no declan for a whilee :(. Matbe 3 or 4 chapters from noww. Depends on how long I'll make them cause i start school tomorow :((keep reading and well, I';d appriciated if you write your own!**

**xo, D**


	5. Chapter 5

Days passed and Holly J still hadn't managed to tell her parents about her "condition". Her bump wasn't showing and nothing was going totally wrong (except weird morning sickness and her newly found addiction to olives) There was nothing to really worry about. She had beaten herself up about chickening out at the abortion place but she just couldn't manage. Adoption was the first word Doctor Ng had suggested as soon as she walked back in his office. He wasn't surprised.  
First thing on Holly J's baby agenda was to tell Sav, herself. Besides, it wasn't like anyone would find out.

_Tell  
Sav  
Anya  
Fiona. *  
Declan  
* already knows_

" Ha ha, the Dot looks way better with these tables. They hold more people and what not" Sav randomly commented before he took a sip of his coffee.  
They had been making small talk on their little coffee date. Holly J was getting kind of nervous._This isn't happening, I can't get nervous. It's Sav! The warm, funny, hot one!" How can  
Anyone tell their current lover that they were pregnant with their ex's baby? Correction, babies_.

"Sav, I've been meaning to tell you something serious..." She trailed off trying to find a way.  
Sav looked worried and grabbed her hand from under the table. Holly j felt a flinch. That sudden heat that builds up on you when you're with someone you really like. She didn't feel like giving that up. _Just rip it of HJ, like a band-aid_  
"I'm pregnant. Sav.."

Sav's suddenly looked like a scared little kid from an exorcist movie. He pointed at himself as if to ask "mine?" Then he shooke his head in confusion.  
"No, no Sav. We never... It's Declans. Well, they're Declans. "Holly J corrected herself

"What? Why aren't you showing didn't you last see him like in _August_? Wait, they're? Its **THREE**?" Sav asked speaking faster and softer than usual.

"_There is no way I have to lose TWO girls to a pregnancy in one year. Well, a one 's fake and... Your losing it man, shut up_" Sav thought to himself

" Doctor says I'm about two months in. They're still not sure why I'm not showing. Some weird "I didn't know I was pregnant" type of condition. You know, that American show? I'm meeting with an adoption company today. Abortion's just too scary. And its two Sav. Declan's a twin "

Sav took a minute to process what she was saying._Why is she so calm!_

" Um, have you told your parents? Daclan? Anyone else other me? I mean, I wouldn't want the school to find out and, it's not like they're gonna but, you know. In case, you should, uh, you should keep track you know" Sav babbled with his words.

Holly J let go of his hand and put it on the table. She stared down at the floor feeling hopeless with how Sav was taking it.

" Hey, it's ok. Whatever you want, I'm here for ya HJ. Don't be so hard on it, your strong enough to get through this". Sav said grabbing her hand once more

Holly J smiled right back at his motivating words. Someone was finally telling her what she kept telling herself throughout this whole mess.

"Well then, can I ask of a favor?" She said.  
" Anything" Sav said relieved from the pressure of the seriousness which was gone.

"Sav, I want you to get back together with... Anya"

yea, yea, i know its a little latee but, its still up to something! i cut this chapter extra short so i could atlest update it a little, look at the bright side, more chapters :D but anyhow, expect more over the weekend and, you know reviews usually make myself want to post sooner ;)

xxo D


	6. Chapter 6

Sav smirked a bit in disbelief.  
"What" he said taking it has a joke as he fell back on into his chair.

Holly J looked at him seriously yet sorrowful. She really didn't wish to give Sav up. He built her up after the whole Declan break up and he showed her someone could beat her at school. He was funny and sweet (and voted one of 17 magazines best high school boyfriends! :p). But she had too

" Holly J, don't you ever think that I'll get in the way of this, whole. Baby condition I promise. I'll be there when you tell your parents, if you want. Just please don't do this!

But Holly J's mind Clear.

"I know, I know you'll be there for me. There's just... I have too much on my plate right now. Yale, SAT's, school, a job and now..This. I'm soory Sav "  
Sav shook his head in confusion

" Are you saying I'm a problem now?"

_Were did this go wrong?_

Holly J rolled her eyes.  
"No Sav, I really just have too much to deal with right now. Don't get all jealous! Either ways we both now this. Was just a re-bound sorta thing. It was an obsession of some sort, I let myself get off hand and gave in to you! But you were. So sweet and funny. And goofy! And before that we HATED each other and this was just..."  
She continued rambling like the pregnant woman she was., standing up from her chair.

Sav laughed.  
"Um it is not funny! These are my misfortunes right now for being a little...slut..." She said now sitting down and being a little quiet when she said slut.

"I get it alright. You just need some space and not to be busy all the time. Don't go all 'I'm a pissy pregnant woman' on me so soon. " Sav said making quotation marks with is fingers

Holly j rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink

"I just don't get why you want me with Anya ,she lied to me, and pretended she was fine without me and did.. A whole bunch of other stuff".

"That was actually my lie. And think about it. Anya's your weak point Sav. She's going through a hard time right now". Holly j explained.

"Yea, so are you"

She blinked rapidly as if to say shut up.  
"You love her Sav. Like no teenagers loved anyone before, well, at Degrassi I think. Not that Declan didn't love me or anything. ... The point is everything is literally going wrong in her life and your part of that. And I don't need to be reminded of my own misfortunes when I know I can do something about it. She's my friend.. Sav, for me? Just, you don't even have to date, just… be with her. "

Sav looked at Holly J seriously yet he nodded his head. Holly J smiled

" You know, your awfully nice when your pregnant. You should stay like this. "He joked.

" Ha ha Sav, next one, and you won't make it out of here alive"

Later on, Sav drove Holly J back to Fiona's apartment where she staying for the entire week. She didn't want to worry her mom, she wasn't ready to tell, and at this apartment they could talk about the pregnancy with no one else knowing. She'd break it to her mom later as soon as her bump started showing she promised herself.

"What the hell took you so long? The lady is already here!" Cried Fiona as she helped Holly J out of her coat

the cold Toronto days where settling in tonight. Fiona had the adoption agency lady come to discuss the ..Condition. Adoption seemed like the best answer now. They say gatherd around the table. The lady, about 45 or so looked very strict and ,worn she was very wrinkly even though it was obvies she tried to hide it with makeup.

"We looked over your papers and you my dear are elegible for our agency" the ;ady said directing towards Fiona

" Oh no, its her Miss…"

" Call me Nancy " she said interrupting Fiona

The girls shared a look of hope.

"All right, Miss Holly J Sinclair. Everything's fine except for three little problems you have to consider"

Holly J was eager to hear them. She didn't care; she'd do anything to get out of this problem right now.

"Let us hear it" she said

Nancy prompted herself up from the dining table as if she were preparing for a speech.

"Let's see, I took a very close look at your file Miss Sinclair. Even though it was flawless - the best teenage one ever if I do say so myself- but the complications are pretty serious. One is the fact that you're having twin's sweetheart. Most parents choose to adopt one so- not that nobody wants to adopt twins! It just limits your chances to get too choosey with the parents, know what I'm saying?"

Holly j nodded still eager about this. _One less problem to solve, I don't care if the parents black or Jewish. I need to get them out of mind. Out of sight_.

"I'm completely fine with that. Anything else?" Holly j replied  
Fiona gave her a stern look. She really didn't want her to give up her nieces or nephews or whatever they decided to be.

"The second thing is, still, about the parents. Most who wish for twins come from, other countries. I didn't know if you mind that. Some biological parents wish for their kids to be, closer to where they live, especially on open adoptions"

" Oh, no, no. This is closed. Totally sealed with a padlock, throw the key away. Closed adoption". Holly J said with a smiled of achievement at the end.

It's a good thing all these so called "problems" weren't stopping her from doing this. She finally felt herself getting ahead of this problem. Like when that huge weight is lifted off your shoulder.

"You seem to be very flexible Miss Sinclair. Your only last condition is the father..."  
Thoughts raced through Holly J's mind as soon as Nancy said father. She blocked everything out. _The father? The father of my children, our children. I'm pregnant. Its twins. I'm in high school what the hell is wrong with you Holly j? Some seriously weird mental thing cause you've been talking to yourself a lot. __**Shut up!**__  
_  
"...And because of that we think It'd be dangerous. Too many red flags you don't want to risk I'm sure. We can still go through it. If your both still in?" Nancy finished  
_in what?_

A lost Holly J looked blankly towards Fiona to ask what she just said.  
Fiona could tell Holly J was lost. She herself, for the first time, was glad she wasn't her.

"HJ, what Nancy is saying is that...um, considering the Coyne- our last name and who we are in society, the adoption could turn into a major scandal. You know the Coyne name is carefully watched at all times. Remember how wild it was when the whole Bobby case was going on? Or when I kissed Declan last summer? This could ruin us. All I'm saying is, we survived all that didn't we? ".  
That's one of the hardest things Fiona's had to say to anyone. She gave Holly J a hopeful smile that she herself mirrored as a way to say thanks.

"Where still in. "Fiona cheerfully told the agent who was getting a little fussy by now.

" Well, you might not be after this one. Miss Coyne, do you realize how the money coming from your family could affect this?"

_Another "condition?"_

Fiona nodded no at the woman who stared down at her like this was serious business.

"As the research papers read, the Coyne family has had money for years. You are American, New Yorkers coming from Irish decent and a line of famous ...preachers. (my church, father Coyne :p he's awesome) If I let you two do this, there is a big possibility the adoptive parents will come begging you for money, especially if they're from another country. They are adopting American children. A free legal plan to get to America. We do selective test to see if parents qualify , but we never truly know their reasons. They might just be using this as a way to get there. They could also come to you for money at any minute and sue if you don't give it up to them. The parents will ,by law now where the child came from .So they can contact a Coyne or the press at any minute. this is too risky for Family like yours. The press, your jobs, the reputation, the father, if you ever tell him. It's all up to you dear"

This time Fiona desperately turned to Holly J.

"I don't know if we can do this. I draw the line at money, maybe if you tell Declan..." She said just quietly at Holly J.

She knew it was wrong now. To somehow feel like she was taking their money away._ Again_. How could she have been so careless? How stuck she was with TWO children.

"No, I get it. We won't go through with this then. Too...bad or whatever". Holly J told Fiona in the same quiet tone.  
Fiona chatted some more with the lady and fifteen minutes past, she was gone.

"Look, if I tell my mom, maybe we can get another agency that won't be so risky or whatever." Fiona suggested

Fiona's suggestioned sounded tempting but, it was still most likely impossible. This agency was literally the best. The best they could do without telling Declan, or Lara, or her mom.

Holly J sat on the couch as she heard Fiona suggest more then a million things at a time. There was no way out of this mess. Holly J had given up. And for the first time in this whole mess, she cried.

**Soory for the late ness! I meant it to be in by Sunday but, yea. life happens . Any how, at this point, i wanna knoe if you want a chapter dedicated to Sav and Anya only. leave an answer where you review and, I'll get back to you if demands are high. ooh anddddd, two more chapter till Declan! **

**Thanks for reading! now REVIEW! it'll get my hopes up yaa knowww...**

**xo D.**


	7. Chapter 7

525,600 minutes  
525,00 moments so dear.  
525,600 minutes. How, do you measure, measure a year?

November

As the days turned into weeks. Weeks into months and so on, Holly J started to _slowly_ get used to being pregnant. Even thought it didn't really feel like it since she was still in quit her job and October went on quiet easily. She held of on telling her mom, still and she stayed with Fiona during the weeks. Weekends, she'd go home. Her mom had no problem with that, _surprisingly_.  
She sent out her application to Yale and the many other university's she applied to over a week ago. SAT practice was over and considering what she scored in her first try, yale would determine acceptance. She was anxious. The school let her apply for a scholarship and financial aid so everything was going right, for now anyway.  
Fiona flew back home for one weekend during Thanksgivings. Though it was hard, she kept the secret from Declan, he seemed over Holly J by this time of the year._ That trip in spain really changed him... Well, No more coldplay_. But she did tell her mom...

December.

The cold , bitter winter days where here. December already? Where had the year gone (really!).

With Fiona gone for holiday break again, Holly J went back home. Very upset, she still couldn't tell anyone about her situation. She just sat, gloomy eyed , and stared as her family gathered for the _most wonderful time of the year_. She smiled a little every now and then. But she just didn't feel the joy. she didn't want to admit it, but she really was depressed...

_Definitely THE longest I've gone with out talking to Declan_  
Fiona meanwhile in New York was just as lively as Blake ( lively :p I love her!). She was proud for keeping Holly J's secret, a secret. Forgetting the one time over Thanksgivings where she jokingly "slipped" it to her mother. Her mom thought nothing of it and went along with her day. Declan now, was a different story. He was acting totally fine in public and with people, but towards the end of break, it was a desperation.  
" How come she never calls? Is she with some one? I'm coming up to see her! Fiona! Tell me!". He kept wining

4 months now... 6 to go. Ick

" And I thought after spain, he was a changed man... Right".

" Look Declan, if you wanna know so much, you reach her. She changed her phone and don't ask me for it... I don't- my phone doesn't- I left it in Toronto. Get her on face range or something! And I told you.. She's with ...Sav.."  
Fiona bit her top lip when she lied

" What! You didn't tell me! Why? What the hell? Where's the old Holly J and who is this your talking about?  
Sav? What happened to god freaking, ana ya?" Declan stormed

" Its Anya, and they broke it off. "  
Another lie...

So keeping a secret, and now some lies.

Fiona was due back in toronto before New years, but her flight cancelled, 3 times. A sick of her family and not saying anything Holly J went back to the apartment. There she watched the ball drop, eating chinese food, alone...

January

The longest, yet quickest passing month of the year. ( Also my bday ;). As school work started to get harder. Preparing for University was going to get rough. The old Holly J could manage, but the pregnant one...  
Holly J had missed 15 days of school so far this year, five of those now in January cause she was so sick. Doctor Ng , her baby doctor said it was just because she was carrying twins, which usually is harder." _There not much space when you cram to kids in a place meant for one_." He'd joke.  
Fiona would laugh, but Holly J glared at him to shut up. Don't mess with a pregnant woman, ever.

Fiona had just as much days absent as HJ. She pulled some strings together to keep this whole deal a secret and she didn't even know what for. Just thinking now, it would have been way easier if they told.  
Fiona impetuously would stay home and help Holly J with everything. They had become such stronger, more resourceful friends over the past few months. Practically sisters. After all, they'd be family now. Fiona was surprised Declan hadn't called or anything he threatened to do happened. " He's probably just as busy with senior year crap ". Even though HJ had her whole Yale thing planned out, Fiona was taking off to travel the world after graduation. She always did want to be a gypsy :). Holly j called her crazy. But with no money problems, anyone would do that.

With all the " I'm sick & bored" time on her hand, Holly J made a list of baby names

_Boy names  
Jude & Landon. (_ No DUH_!)  
Damian & Seth _( my future son)_  
David & Thomas  
Girl names  
Olive & Oliva. (_ Take note, its OLYVA. Not olivia. This contributes with HJ's obsession over olives )  
_Gemma. & Nicola.  
Charlotte & Alejandra_. ( A spanish named she was obsess with since she made a bff at camp with The name)  
It had some how sunk into her head it was gonna be same sex twins. She wanted it to be a surprise though. ( Ha ha, got cha!).

It all seemed so real now.

February.

FOOD. Was the only thing on Holly J's mind as of now. She realized it kept her from getting sick so she ate tons. Even her mom started noticing some weight gain". Doctor Ng said it was actually both the food and the pregnancy, she could get even bigger. By now, she just looked really bloated. All she ate was pretty healthy. And green. The olives where her favorite but other then that, celery sticks, random pieces of lettuce, GREEN apples only ( you give her a red one , you better take cover) lots of beans for some odd reason and orange for a change, carrots. The carrots actually made her hair shine a deeper shade of her red hair, she nearly turned orange at one point.  
Considering February is real short, both Fiona and Holly J spent most of their time studying for mid terms. Fiona tried discussing the idea of starting a nursery room but holly J wouldn't have it. She still hated talking about it. A lot .Specially when she realized, on Valentines day, it had been a year now, that she knew Declan. Nothing special for valentines, they took a brake and watched, Sleepless in seattle, Valentines day , Remember me, dear john and obviously, Mamma Mia.

MARCH

2 months left of this. That's how Holly J coped with getting the pregnancy over with. Real nervous in March when the doctor started discussing the birth options. He said one of the babies was breached ( which happens a lot with twins, it means ones backwards. As in born feet first). It was a little scary. But there is always c-sections ;) specially with twins. " Pain free". She still hadn't told her mother... She had been worried sick about that. She started to see her mom only once every two weeks since she had unexpectedly gotten bigger. Her mom constantly texted her to see how she was, but Holly J was ... Dry about it. She'd write back with little detail.  
Fiona on the other hand had been getting annoying calls from Declan. He found her number... _Well, it at least took him 3 months_.  
She didn't mention any of it to Holly J.  
Didn't wanna worry her anymore. And her mom, Mrs. Coyne, was getting suspicious about Fiona's current bills.  
Baby bills...

April...

" Pass me the Dr. Pepper". Said Fiona

Chinese for celebration. (Chinese food's always amazing). Holly J got a full scholarship to yale. :))))))  
She had written her essay about teen pregnancy and how she would never think she'd be the one. How even though that was a constant problem with her, she got trough senior year with flying colors. Screw her love life. Not talking to Declan became like she never even knew him.

" Soooo, any baby names up in your head? I wanna hear some!" Fiona giggled  
They were eating in front of the teli -which was off- and curled up on the couch.  
" I thought you already sneaked into my diary and read?" Holly J replied.  
" Oh, I did. Just wanna hear them from you".

" Hahaha fiona. "

" Come on holly j! Your due right next month, we still haven't even started the-"

As she kept talking, Holly J cleared her out and hid the brochure she had received same as the acceptance to yale. An orphanage brochure from New Jersey. _Hell yea, I'm not done with this fight. Whatever it takes, right. Let's hope fiona won't see this_...

Time passed and the girls watched a movie or two. Holly J passed out and went to the guest room to sleep. As usual. Fiona stayed up and didn't realize she fell asleep on the couch till she heard something

" Fi! Fiona, Fiona. Wake up"

She felt a pillow throw hit the side off her head. _Ouch. Ugh pregnant woman are so lazy_.

" What, what do you need now?".  
Fiona said with her eyes still closed pushing the pillow away.

" What, wait. Just go to sleep Fi. I'll stay in the guest room"

" Declan?"

" Declan? Oh its soo good to...hear you. I'm just gonna head to my room right now. Soory I was disturbing you. I hope you don't mind the uh, guest room. Umm ahh, I have a friend over so just, don't come. Ok. I'm heading in my room. Don't come in. Don't go anywhere. Just, couch. Sleep. Bye". Fiona mumbled very slowly and sleepy. She barely realized what was going on

_So she's definitely drunk_  
Declan thought. He missed his sisters crazy fits.  
He looked around the room and made himself comfortable on the couch. He found the coffee table completely messy with food plates, cups and napkins and he felt a force to clean it up. ( I can NOT sleep in a mess in my room, its nearly impossible).

When he was almost done, he found the brochure left on the table.

ST _Marianas, home for children"  
Wtf? Its probably one of those random things that come to your house for no reason_.

He dismissed the thought and layed back on the couch. Then it dawned on him." Holly J's here!  
Who else could be sleeping in the guest room! Fiona has no friends!".

Smooth

As quick as possible, Declan creeped up the hall to the guest room to find the door ajar. It creaked as he opened it a little. But it was priceless. There lay Holly J, his Holly J carefully sleeping. -with a smile on her face- completely invisible but her head, hiding under covers. He smiled as he peered trough the door and went back to bed.

Its good to be home.

**SO VERY SORRY IT TOOK A WHILE! just know i havent lost hope, i really like this story, schools just getting in the wayyyy. snyhoww, new rule, 10 reviews and next chapter will be up, ASAP. this can be more concentrating for me thoug i promised i wasnt gonna do it.**

**ugh. whatever. happy october everyone! im going to salem. **

**p.s. i write the story on my bb(blackberry) so somehow, my bb kept crashing last month and i had to redo this chapter 50 times. so blame my phone. i got a new battery thouh this month. what evs, im talking too much**

**xoxo D**


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